What Are You Telling Yourself?

    I started running again...after a long break, believing that my body couldn't endure that kind of intensity. An old injury and pregnancy had left me feeling too worn down, but I really did miss it. Over Covid, I joined some friends at a track to workout because I was desperate to get out of the house. These women are strong inspiring women who have been running together for years. I was so out of shape. When we ran a mile, they would all LAP me. It was almost embarrassing, but I did warn them. They kept encouraging me to come back. I didn't really want to, but I didn't have a good excuse not to go. The gym was closed, and I was going out of mind sitting at home. Eventually I was running long runs with them and even shaving off time on my sprints. One day at the track, we were discussing our plan, and Jesse challenged me to beat my time in the mile. I laughed in disbelief. Carrie said, "Carissa, I think you can do this. You are really looking strong." Her words stood out to me because I would have NEVER described myself that way. I was anything but strong. Then it hit me, the real problem was not being out of shape anymore. The problem was what I was telling myself. Even while running laps, I would tell myself that I was weak, tired, and too slow. I would talk myself into slowing down or just stop trying. It was a handicap, my head. I decided to stop sabbatoging myself, and to change what I was thinking. I decided to start believing and telling myself that I was strong. 

    The inspiration here is not really about being a fast runner. It's about knowing what is going on in your head. It made me wonder how much my thoughts were crippling the things that I wanted to do; the goals to lead, create, or get back in shape. What was I telling myself that made me feel nervous or incompetent? How was I letting lies and insecurities creep into my head? This is important because the implication of letting insecurities lead you is not only physical but spiritual. I think of Moses, standing in front of the burning bush and God telling him to go back and confront Pharaoh. He was scared. I would have been scared too. He questioned his ability. I question my ability everyday. But, here's the truth that we have to take hold of... "the spirit of God, who raised Jesus from the dead, lives in you" (Romans 8:11). What if we really believed that, and acted upon it? What if we lived in brave obedience because we knew that with God, all things are possible?

  I'm so thankful that I surround myself with women who encourage me to push through hard things, to believe that God has equipped me, to reshape my thoughts. It's a real gift to have people in your life like this. We need to be helping each other see our gifts, and fight the battlefield in our heads. From that moment on, I've been trying to think differently, see myself differently, and encourage others more. This picture was taken at the top of Mt. Huron by my amazing friend who had hiked to the top with me. It's not like me to pull out muscle arms and make a proud face, but it was a time to be proud of summiting a 14er. It was a time to change the narrative in my head and believe that I really am strong, that God can do big things in and through me. What are YOU telling yourself?