Wonderfully Hard

It has been so long since I have written in this blog. I have thought about it often, but have felt unable to find words that would be of any interest to anyone. The first three weeks of Finley's life were a whirlwind. The only thoughts that were going through my head were "She is so beautiful" and "I am so tired!" Even still, I feel unable to articulate what it feels like to experience such a dramatic and exciting life change. Somedays I feel like stepping out of my body and spending an entire day asleep. Other days, I feel like stopping time so that I can savor each second.

When people ask me how I like being a mom, I tell them that it is "wonderfully hard." For me, it is similar to snow skiing. I love to ski, but it is always a challenge to get all of the gear on, make it to the mountain, get to the top, and hope that your legs will take you to the bottom. I don't know how many times I have sat on a chairlift, sheilding my face from the blistering cold, wiggling my toes just to keep them from falling off, and thought, "I paid for this, right?" But, when you get the opportunity to ski down a mountainside, surrounded by a magestic view, charged with adrenaline and joy, you get addicted. Nobody could have prepared me for motherhood. I had no idea that giving birth would require every muscle in my body. I didn't know that it would take weeks before I would feel energized again. I had never experienced sleepless nights for so many days in a row, or encountered this type of dependency. It is all so incredibly overwhelming, yet undescribably beautiful. So many nights, as I rock her back to sleep, I remind myself that God used me to bring another person into the world. It is truly daunting when you think about it...yet, it happens everyday. How could something so miraculous be so common? I guess that's what happens when a magnificent God is the author of life.

I have a new appreciation for women who are mothers. It is much more consuming than I ever thought possible. There have been days that I thought I just might crumble. I really didn't know it was possible to survive with such little sleep. Apparently it is, because I keep getting up, and I keep going. God must give moms a supernatural power. We are all products of some incredible women...thanks mom! No wonder God devotes an entire chapter in Proverbs to honor a woman who sacrificed for her family. It is an enormous role that does not escape the eyes of God. I feel honored to be at this place in life, to experience something that is so wonderfully hard.