Grace for Bedtime

Is it possible that my least favorite time of the day is also my favorite? Just when my energy is drained, my body hurts, and my mental capacity is at its limit...every day...that’s when bedtime occurs. Here I go again, begging them to put the toys away, endlessly reminding them to brush their teeth, turning down the 5th request for snacks, negotiating story time and lullaby’s like a business man on Wall Street. Some days, it feels like more than I can handle, and truthfully so often, I lack the grace that I wish I had. I’m like Cinderella after twelve. When I hit my wall, everything gets ugly.

But sometimes, I do embrace the challenge with thankfulness. Sometimes, God steps in during my weakness and gives me just enough grace to love well...and when that happens, I absolutely cherish it. For the last three years, Ryder has asked me to sing ‘Silent Night’ to him as he nods off to sleep. He loves it so much that he recorded me singing to him on his leap pad, just in case I can’t do it one night, or he just needs to hear it one more time after I leave. I can’t really understand why anyone would request for me to sing to them, but he does, every night. I think it’s pretty amazing really...that something in his heart longs for this...the calming words, the reminder of baby Jesus, and warm snuggles from me. This relationship with my boy is just beyond words. When I really consider the gift that I have in him, I just feel breathless.

Daley wants to read stories from her “Jesus Storybook Bible.” I love that she has grown fond of this book because it is worded so sweetly and so simply for children. The other night, we read about Abraham and God calling him to sacrifice Isaac. She had never heard the story before, so when we got to the part where Abraham ties Isaac to the altar, she was just cringing. We both were. I got to experience the story through her eyes and I appreciated the provided ram more than ever. We hugged and smiled at the thought of God saving Isaac, but giving us a glimpse of the sacrifice that He would one day make.

Sloan picks up the same book every night and thrusts it into my hands...”the duck book.” Perhaps it has the same sense of anticipation with 5 little ducks disappearing and then returning at the end. She gives me the same look of surprise and delight when the ducks return. Her little pudgy fingers counting each of the ducks, “two, three, forty, forty-five.” Oh, how I wish she could stay three for the REST of her little life.

And then Fin, my independent one, who used to refuse any bedtime gestures from mom, now begs me to snuggle her in, pray and sing. Lately the darkness has brought her visions of bugs crawling, and so she needs the comfort and reassurance. I drag my feet into one more room, telling my body that it will all be worth it. We pray, and every time Jesus meets me there...my prayers for her are almost the same each night, “God show yourself to her...give her eyes to see you and ears to hear you, let her experience you in every moment, and grow to love you.” I rest my tired head against her soft skin and feel so thankful. Thankful for the chance to whisper these words over her, thankful to know that God is leaning over His kingdom to hear these words of petition. I imagine Him nodding His head in agreement and love, smiling because of all the ways He plans to fulfill it...I leave my babies to rest with a full heart. It’s like magic....every time that I have the energy, and God grants me the grace, it just feels worth it.